The Purpose of Sorrow

“This is going to hurt me more than it does you.” We’ve all heard that before in a movie, a book, or in real life. Often this involves some kind of discipline or consequences for one’s actions. The one saying it means it. The one hearing it never believes it.

The apostle Paul said some very similar in his second letter to the Corinthian Church:

For though I caused you sorrow by my letter, I do not regret it; though I did regret it—for I see that that letter caused you sorrow, though only for a while— I now rejoice, not that you were made sorrowful, but that you were made sorrowful to the point of repentance; for you were made sorrowful according to the will of God, so that you might not suffer loss in anything through us. For the sorrow that is according to the will of God produces a repentance without regret, leading to salvation, but the sorrow of the world produces death.

Today, as I read Paul’s words, it struck me that many of us struggle with holding people accountable, giving discipline and correction. Why? Well, for one it is painful for both parties. It can create resentment when not handled correctly or when not received correctly.

But I believe Paul nails it why sorrow caused by discipline and correction is not only valuable but necessary. He gives us 3 reasons.

Repentance: This is a word many of us don’t talk about in Christian circles. This is sad because it is a key element of our Christianity. Repentance is used 74 times in the New Testament in the NASB. The Greek word here is metanoia which is used 24 times. It has the idea of a change of mind. It is the 180 shift of a mindset. A shift from what I am doing is good to what I am doing is bad. Why does a mind shift matter? As Dr. Michael Frisina has masterfully taught, what you think about directs what you believe. What you believe dictates how you behave.

So Paul says, the pain you experience from correction and discipline is good because it makes you change your thinking. This results in genuine change.

The Will of God: There are some false teachers who will tell you being a Christian means only financial and physical blessings not to mention the freedom from pain. This is false.  As a Christian, you will experience pain, disappointment, discipline and consequences. But the good news is that it is for a purpose.

Paul says this sorrow “according to the will of God so that you might not suffer loss in anything through us.” When we step outside of God’s will and dabble in sin the only result is spiritual, Godly discipline to bring us back into His will and avoid any more loss.

Salvation: A sign of a true Christian is biblical repentance. When a person is a child of God, there may be moments of denial or resentment to correction or discipline, but it will be short-lived.  It will be short lived, because the Holy Spirit abides or lives in us. This creates a true biblical repentance to sin and a desire to be conformed to Christ’s image. 

As John MacArthur states, “True biblical repentance is not psychological, emotional human remorse, seeking merely to relieve stress and improve one’s circumstances. Though it inevitably produces the fruit of a changed life, it is not behavioral, but spiritual.”

Accountability, correction, and discipline are hard to deliver. It costs us something. But when we truly love someone, it is the only option. Why? Because God loves us enough to correct us to the point of sorrow so we turn away from sin and turn back to Him.

If we truly love someone, we will do the same.